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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

walking...a lot

so ms affects everyone in different ways and sometimes the same person in different ways or at least at various times, like something that normally  bothers you could get worse during a relapse or something else could get bad during a relapse so now you have 2 problem areas. if that made sense. my big problem area that i deal with at least in some part daily is my left leg, occasionally my right but mostly just the left. it is not something that causes me pain it just affects walking in general but especially stairs. we went to DC a month or so ago and with the walking that is required there, i could not walk up to the Lincoln memorial by the time we got there. i am not telling you this to feel sorry for me so please don't. stairs really mostly bother me if there is no railing to hold on to or if i have been doing some excessive walking or even walking on uneven surfaces (the beach, shell driveway/walkway, etc). well the mall in DC has dirt pathways that suck for me to walk on and it is a long way to walk to the monuments so by the time we got to Lincoln, my legs did not want to work up stairs, so thank god someone decided to put in an elevator lol! but because of the many places that my family wants to be able to go to that require walking we need to either bring the stroller (which sucks for metros or buses) which may or may not have a child using it, i need it to help me walk because i can keep my balance better or at least hold onto so i don't fall when my leg gives out. it frequently does if i use it too much (side note, i wonder if i could ride a bike, stationary of course to help, hmm...) so on the way home from colonial Williamsburg yesterday mike mentioned talking to either my neurologist or reg dr about getting a wheelchair for times like this when i know there is a lot of walking involved. to be quite honest, no i don't really want a wheelchair even though i joke about it but i do know that for situations where there is the walking that i cannot do there needs to be another way to get to the things i want to see. now if i do end up with one i am not giving up or taking the easy way out. i am sure there is a lot more physical activities i could do to help myself but what i have tried hasn't so far. i do enjoy walking and wish i could do more of it, i used to walk everywhere in college, it was fun! now i need the stroller to walk to the mini mart down the road and i still trip on the sidewalk.
so now it is getting an appt with my main dr to see if insurance would cover it (probably would) and then getting one. in a way that makes me sad because i am more publicly admitting that i need help and, surprisingly to some people, i don't want help, i want to do it all on my own. i don't want to depend on someone to push me or carry me even though i have had to have that at times. i feel bad that i slow you down when we are going someplace whether i am hanging on to you arm for support or you are just keeping pace with me, i don't want you to have to do and it angers me that i can't keep up like i should and used to be able to.
i'm starting to think that this blog is becoming pretty cathartic for me. huh, who'd have thunk...

1 comment:

  1. I think writing how you feel is VERY cathartic! Keep it up Alisa. It saddens me a bit about the wheel chair but you gotta do what you gotta do..... xo