shower thoughts

i know, strange title but i think in the shower while i wash my hair.

there have been a few of my friends who have posted or sent messages to be through facebook telling me i am an amazing woman. i want to say thank you and that is very flattering but honestly, i do not in anyway feel like i am an amazing woman. when i think of someone described that way i think of a person who has done something significant, not like in the history books and talked about on the news type significant, even though they are noteworthy people. i think of some women i have known in my life that have faced an adversary or a tough time and got through it.
i have 2 friends who have/are going through the same situation that define amazing. my neighbor's daughter, and my daughter's best friend, was born at 23 weeks due to an extreme mistake made by planned parenthood. even faced with the possibility of her child not surviving the complications facing her, she did not give up hope that her daughter would live. i can only imagine the hope and will of mind that she had to endure and the elation when mercy was able to leave the hospital and come home.
my other friend is facing the complication of a premature baby at no fault of any specific thing as far as i know.    each day has its own fears that she and her husband have to face. even with the possibility that things could go  bad, they remain hopeful and trust in the medical staff and that things will turn out in their favor.
in my mind, these are amazing women. i know there are more examples and other situations that different women have been in where they have shown to be amazing.
in my mind, i haven't really done or been doing anything that is noteworthy. i have ms, i deal with it (or try to haha), and i have chosen to start a blog on some of what i go through with it and at some point i hope to help someone with my trial and errors in this life. but thank you for saying i am amazing to you.

*sadness*

well turns out depression is a symptom for MS, or at least i suppose it is another symptom. it is just one more thing in a long line of side effects that go along with the disease? sickness? malady? condition? i never know exactly how to refer to ms, it is not inherited (like my pre-ms random depression) it is just one of those things that happen and the drs have no idea how to fix it or why it started in someone.
but back to the beginning of this. i have been told and read that ms and the different 'therapies' for it can cause *ahem* sadness. hmmmm.... i had 'sadness' sometimes when i was pregnant or when i got my period. i am not sure what the difference is with sadness from ms compared to those other examples but they do say that there is a possibility of 'sadness' to the point of considering or even actual suicide. now i have to admit i have contemplated that at different points in my life but it was never something i seriously made an effort to do and i never attributed it to my ms. i now don't want a bunch of emails, facebook messages or phone calls telling me that its all right, nothing is that bad, etc. don't worry i'm not going to suddenly off myself but do know that when you try and tell/convince someone that things are not bad enough that suicide is the only option, that may be true but until you are in that persons mind and really know their thoughts, you can try but that doesn't always change things. (if that made sense)
so to kind of help with the ms related depression it is a good idea to take an antidepressant of some kind, which i have done off and on but i think it was more to help control my bitchiness than deal with the sometimes sadness. it doesn't help that i am really bad about taking pills, even aleve or whatever for a headache. but if it is needed, see a dr and get on something because 9 times out of 10, if it is the right med for you, it will help. even if it is just a little, it will aide you.
of course finding friends to take your mind off things or just to add support is always a great option and i wish i had more of an outside support system. i'm pretty social but you wouldn't necessarily guess that from the amount of time i spend indoors either on the computer or with a book. i think half the time i am just as happy to live vicariously through the character in the book, or the mindless games so readily available on the web or even just in a computer game (the sims anyone...? :) haha) i am absolutely sure that if i just get up off my ass and make an effort there are hundreds of things i could do that is better for my time but it is getting the motivation...
*sigh*... i'll find it at some point. oh, and a side note on my last post. mike got me a cane from work so that is another option and one that i haven't used yet because it is not the walk to the minimart, it is the walk back and it just seems silly to carry the cane instead of use it...